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PLAY DUMB. BE BORING. LOSE YOUR FRIENDS. DON'T SOLVE PROBLEMS. AND ABOVE ALL, DON'T BE YOURSELF.Not exactly what you'd expect to hear from a communication expert, but these counterintuitive strategies are precisely what we need to interact productively and meaningfully in today's digital world. Our overreliance on quick, cheap, and easy means of "staying connected" is eroding our communication skills. Speed steamrolls thoughtfulness; self-expression trumps restraint. Errors and misunderstandings increase. And our relationships suffer.
With startling insights and a dash of humor, Stop Talking, Start Communicating combines scientific research with real-world strategies to deliver a proven approach to more effective communication.
"Stop Talking, Start Communicating is filled with no-nonsense advice, actionable communication strategies, and plenty of wit and humor to keep you turning the pages. Grab a copy of this book and start improving the quality of the time you spend with colleagues today." Jason Santamaria, president of Stanley Healthcare
"An elegantly analytical, accessible, and enjoyable guide to improving interpersonal communication, Stop Talking, Start Communicating is a key resource for anyone who wants to be a difference-making leader, manager, or team member." Eduardo Sanchez, deputy chief medical officer of the American Heart Association
"Stop Talking, Start Communicating is the perfect book for our time. Geoffrey Tumlin spells out strategies we can immediately use to strike the right balance between our powerful digital devices and the important people they connect us to." Kathy Whitmire, former mayor of Houston and former board member of the New York Stock Exchange
- Sales Rank: #220787 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-07-19
- Released on: 2013-07-19
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
"Stop Talking, Start Communicating addresses one of the biggest challenges we all face--effectively maintaining a thoughtful and human touch in our interactions in the face of the tremendous amounts of data and words that bombard us daily. Stop Talking, Start Communicating is an indispensable guide for better communication, improved collaboration, and the kinds of productive connections that can make our work and home lives more meaningful and fulfilling."
-Ken C. Hicks, President, CEO, and Chairman of the Board, Foot Locker"Only Geoffrey Tumlin could write a book about a serious problem--our mounting communication deficiencies--and make me laugh and learn all the way through it. Witty, smart, and 100 percent accurate, Stop Talking, Start Communicating points the way to a better conversational future."
-Tina Morris, managing director at Standard & Poor's"This is an important topic, and the book covers it in an easygoing manner, with lots of communication tips, including dealing with difficult people and conflict."
-The Globe and Mail
"Geoffrey Tumlin presents the solutions we need to significantly improve our work and home interactions."
-James V. Kimsey, founding CEO and chairman emeritus of America Online, Inc."Essential reading for executives, aspiring managers, and anyone else who wants smart, workable strategies for better communication in the digital age."
-Marshall N. Carter, former chairman and CEO State Street Bank and Trust Company
About the Author
Geoffrey Tumlin is CEO of Mouthpeace Consulting LLC, a communication consulting company, and president of On-Demand Leadership, a leadership development company. A portion of the author's royalties will be donated to Critical Skills Nonprofit, a 501(c)(3) public charity founded by the author to provide communication and leadership skills training to chronically underserved populations.
Most helpful customer reviews
19 of 20 people found the following review helpful.
In my top five non-fiction titles of all time
By Illyria
Although I'm someone who is rarely at a loss for words, I'm a little timid about reviewing this book, for two reasons:
1. The book itself is about the importance of meaningful communication in an age where easy communication seems to rule. Amazon reviews seem somewhere in between meaningful and easy. I feel like a dog between two mangers.
2. Life-changing, paradigm-shifting books don't come along that often, and for me this book was both. I worry I'm not going to be able to do it justice, that I'll either be so glowing no one will believe me, or I'll damn with faint praise.
The truth is that Geoffrey Tumlin has analyzed, pondered, studied, and codified what I believe is perhaps the greatest challenge to our essential humanity: we're all talking so much we're not just forgetting how to listen, we're forgetting what the point of talking even is. We're so caught up in what Tumlin calls "hypercommunication" that we no longer appear to value thinking, and the result leaves us feeling as unsatisfied as it does stressed--enslaved to our phones, our tablets, our laptops, but still isolated, and increasingly ineffective.
Stop Talking, Start Communicating is an insightful, compassionate manual for putting meaning back into the human exchange of words. It goes beyond "no cell phones at the dinner table" to remind you that just because the human mind can invent this technology doesn't mean the human mind can actually keep pace with it. Our brains have limitations, as do our relationships, and it's not only okay to understand and accept those limitations, it's vital.
Much of Tumlin's advice will seem not just counterintuitive, but by some standards, harsh (Rate my relationships in order of importance? Are you serious?); but as you read you begin to understand that the underlying message is one of respect, for yourself and for the people with whom you interact.
Tumlin's wisdom is too deep and varied to summarize, but what really stands out for me is that I immediately felt I was being given permission to do something I knew deep down was right all along: take control of and responsibility for my own words.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
CAN'T Stop Talking...About this book!
By doctormom
As a mother, wife, and working professional, I tend to be extremely selective with my book choices. If a non-fiction book is not going to teach me something new and important, hold my attention, and communicate information in an effective and efficient manner, then I'll stop reading. Stop Talking Start Communicating met all my requirements, and more! This book is a game-changer, and a useful tool for everyone. Unless you are living alone in a cave without an internet connection, then you need this book. I have already successfully implemented several of Geoff's strategies in my personal and professional relationships. They truly are applicable to ALL relationships. I wish I could go back in time and give this book to my 20-year-old self. But only my current self could appreciate Geoff's tenets regarding the value of communicating in a world where digital "conversations" are all but eliminating face-to-face interchanges. A sobering and very necessary wake-up call!
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
A Must Read for those who wish to relate to other humans
By fitz
Just finished this book last night and must say it's life altering. For starters, "Connectivity doesn't equal communication." Just b/c we have the ability to connect with others and even sometimes engage verbally, it doesn't necessarily mean communication has taken place. Listen with intention and speak with purpose. Those are key points I take away from this book to remember. Otherwise, it's easy to alienate others as well as self in this ever rapidly changing world of telecom. I liked his analogy of the village idiot in former times having the ability to get up and move to a new village when s/he'd been an idiot; how that ability to start over has seriously diminished in our cyber world. Being mindful of our discourse is even more vital now. I'd not really considered that, but it's true.
I also liked his points about pausing when we find ourselves digging further into a hole when good old 'foot in mouth' disease flares up (I've had that all my life.) Most people have the tendency to keep talking and that's the exact opposite of the remedy. Humor was an excellent example of when we bomb and need to just breath before continuing down an already deliriously delusional path. It's easy to say and perhaps even write, but implementing it in action takes a great deal of effort. It seems worth it, though, in the long haul for preserving civility in relationships.
I definitely appreciated his unstated goal of returning civility to conversations/communication. We certainly can have the tendency to devolve more and more into this 'Neanderthal' mentality with rapid connection technology that he referenced several times. His usage of the word civility throughout his book really caused me to ponder. With so many tell all books, reality tv shows, dysfunctional families and friends on regular daytime talk shows, it was refreshing to actually read about someone trying to preserve the art of civility. It is a pertinent topic and necessary goal to keep in mind when communicating.
One point from the book that came up just today that's similar to QBQ ("Question Behind the Question" by Miller) is being more mindful of the questions we ask. What's the underlying message behind the question? The whole 'why' question, for the most part, is an instant defense elicitor in the dialogue dance. It's driven me crazy in the past with regards to adults asking children why they did so and so, but I don't think I realized until reading Geoff's words just 'why' it bothered me so. It causes those on the receiving end to have an immediate answer for their motives and usually the question itself lacks a certain level of charity. Of course at times we do need to ask 'why', but mostly it is overused in personal discourse and creates a certain level of strain and discomfort that erodes connection.
His ending with hitting home the preservation of the art of story telling was right up my alley. I'm from Tennessee where we have the annual national story telling contest near Knoxville in October. My family is filled with spirited story tellers (and some subjects of stories; the McCoys, the Carter-Cash Clans, etc.). While I've certainly shared a few stories here and there with the kids, in reading this at the end of the book, I realized the necessity of bringing this family tradition to more fruition in my daily walk. And quite frankly, it's an invaluable tool in the workplace as well. Those who can tell good stories are often the very people who open doors we never even imagined existed.
Great book. Will definitely read it again in the near future just to see how much I truly digested and incorporated. It's just one of those handbooks for life you want to keep on the bookshelf for future reference.
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